I win, you lose
by Unjax
Summary: Emerald and Mercury get bored, and they play a game to see who can annoy Torchwick the most.


"No, you haven't." Mercury said with a sly grin, swinging his legs forward and back over the edge of the walkway..

Emerald stood on the entrance to that walkway, which spanned the top edges of the warehouse, swinging a cane around on her finger and wearing a fedora that was slightly too large for her, making it tilt at a funny angle on her head.

"I've won. My game, and I win."

"You don't even know what I've done yet." Mercury said slyly, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I. Don't. Care." She answered, each word punctuated by the sharp clang of her boots on the gridded metal as she approached. "Torchwick's gonna have a hissy fit when he figures out that his cane and favorite hat are gone." She tilted her head to the side so the fedora fell off and landed on the crook of the cane.

"I mean, it's funny, don't get me wrong, but the game was to see who could get him the most worked up."

"Fine then, what did _you_ do?"

"Something far superior to your lame prank."

"Wow, four syllables, you're stepping it up."

"Cut it with the dumb jokes, soon my brilliance will be revealed."

"Seriously, have you been reading a thesaurus?"

"A what?"

"Never mind, they don't have pictures. Shoulda known." Mercury gave her a glare, and Emerald smirked in return. "Besides, there are plenty of things I can still do. Fill his cane with confetti, die his fedora... Could you imagine the look on his face when he sees it neon pink? Then, 'surprise,' his cane blows up with little bits of colored paper." She smiled at the thought.

"It would be pretty funny." Mercury admitted, tilting his head and shrugging his shoulders. "But nothing you can do with those will every compete to my master plan."

The light clicked for Emerald.

"You've been watching those spy movies with the idiotic villains again, haven't you?"

"Wait, the spies aren't the villains?" He looked genuinely confused.

"I seriously wonder why Cinder hasn't killed you yet."

"Because I'm her favorite."

"Please, we all know that you're the extra here."

"Oh really?"

"Really." She deadpanned.

"We already have a thief. You only got pulled off the streets because it would make our entrance into Beacon less noticeable. All you are is a tool."

"Fine, if I was only recruited for Beacon, why am I still here?"

"Because I asked Cinder to keep you around out of pity."

"You wanted to keep me around? How sweet." There was likely no other two words that had been spoken with as much sarcasm as those.

"Eh, you come up with the games. No other way to stave off the boredom around here." Mercury explained with another shrug.

"Yeah, seriously. How long until we get out of here?"

"Once we ship out all the dust." Mercury's gaze dropped to the crates, coming almost up to touch his feet, maybe six feet below them, filled to the brim with the powerful crystals.

"Which could take months." Emerald groaned.

"How many more games can you come up with?"

"How about rock, paper, scissors?" She sat down beside him and leaned against the bottom rung of the guard rail.

"Sure!" He _actually_ seemed to take interest at that. Emerald did her best to avoid face palming.

"Unless you're going to show me what you've done, I'm going to hit you. Very hard."

"You can try." He grinned, then his eyes caught a slight movement from the doors that led into the large warehouse. "Wait! Here he comes."

Emerald looked to follow Mercury's gaze and saw two shadows, lit from behind, walking towards the storage room.

"Man, Perry," Torchwick's voice was irritated, and grumpy, like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Or his favorite hat and cane were missing. Could be either. Emerald grinned and gave a quiet laugh. "I have _had_ a _day_. So I really hope that what you were about to tell me wasn't that the shipments have been delayed - again - due to your incompetence."

"Uh..." The reply came, completely unsure of whether to answer. Emerald watched the two step into the main chamber of the building on the opposite end of the room, Torchwick walking with his eyes closed and his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I wonder, if I stuck you in a maze with a bit of cheese at the center, would you f-" Torchwick paused as he opened his eyes to mock his subordinate. His mouth dropped, and his distinctly fedora-less head whipped from side to side, then up and down.

"Perry, _please_ tell me that the shipment orders have been really, _really_ moved up." His voice rose in pitch, almost to the point of a strangled squeal.

"Um..."

Beside Emerald, Mercury was doing his best not to crack up. He muffled his laughter into his sleeve and rocked back and forth on the edge of the catwalk.

"Perry, how many of the dust containers were shipped today?" Torchwick asked, this time making sure his voice was quiet and calm, though both Emerald and Mercury could tell that it was strained and forced.

"Um..." The faunus with the glasses over his mask consulted the clipboard in front of him. "It's Sunday. There are no shipments on Sunday."

"So," Torchwick's voice was so tight it sounded like it might snap. "That means there should still be over eighty crates, full from bottom to top, with dust crystals, right in front of me."

"Um..." Another consultation of the chart. "Eighty-six?" Apparently numbers had become questions.

"Eighty-six containers." Torchwick said, turning away from his lackey and taking two steps towards the center of the chamber. "So, if there should be _eighty-six_ containers," Torchwick rounded on his subordinate. "Why the HELL IS THE ROOM EMPTY!"  
Mercury lost it.

There was a lot more yelling, involving many slanders and references to the cages the Torchwick had prepared, and whether Perry expected a bone if he managed to retrieve the room full of dust he somehow managed to lose.

A slight glint caught Emerald's eye, and she studied the air in front of her a bit more closely. The light seemed to catch on certain parts of it and diffract, causing slight shimmers and spectrums to be emitted.

Next to her, Mercury, between fits of laughter, pulled out his scroll and tapped a few buttons.

Mercury guffawed as Torchwick made obscene gestures with his hands and continued to yell, not even bothering to try to muffle his laughter anymore.

"You cheated." Emerald said, crossing her arms.

"I outsmarted you." Mercury said, then wrapped his arms around his stomach as he continued laughing. "Oh my dust! Look at him!" Was the last thing he managed before he started rolling on the catwalk.

Emerald just glared at him.

A moment later, Neo appeared. Mercury regained his composure enough to pull out some lien from his back pocket and handed it to the illusionist. He went right back to laughing. Neo gave Emerald a sideways grin, then there was a flash, and she was gone.

"You're a moron."

"Oh, come one," Mercury started, but had to pause for a giggle. "Don't be a sore looser."

"I didn't lose. You cheated."

"You never said in the rules that help couldn't be commissioned."

More yelling in the background, this time questioning Perry if he was a cat and had nine lives, because apparently he was about to lose one.

"Only a moron would think that's allowed."

"Well then, it's your turn to pay the moron." Emerald glared at him. "Come on," He drawled. "It's not even your money."

Emerald let out a heavy sigh, fuming inside. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out the wager.

"I win," He chanted as he snatched the money from her hands. She stood up, furious. "You lose!" He taunted.

"Now you've got a big bruise." Emerald cut in, then gave him a sharp kick in the ribs. Mercury didn't even seem to mind, he just kept on laughing. Emerald whipped out her pistol and shot the glassy illusion, shattering it into a million little pieces. She strutted away.

Mercury kept laughing, looking at the realization dawning on Torchwick's face. The thief's complexion turned from pale white to a pleasant cherry red, then to a deep, beet red. That sent Mercury into another fit, and laughter echoed through the room.

Emerald sighed as she heard a lot more yelling, a lot of obscene language, and general mad-ness coming from Torchwick. He was definitely as irritated as he could get. She could sympathize.

She really hated losing the game.


End file.
